Kawaii
died
yesterday
right
on
my
hands
yesterday
morning...
.
At first,
I noticed her.
Lying still,
in the cage.
We thought,
she was only sleeping.
But,
she looked weak.
We took her out,
and placed her on the ground.
She tried to stand,
but fall sideways at each attempt.
I held back my tears,
knowing her time has probably comed,
but I didn't want to believe it.
I carried it up,
and it layed still.
I put my thumb to her heart,
and felt her heartbeat slowing, slowing.
I couldn't stand it.
I used my fingers,
and pressed her chest,
again and again.
Praying silently,
with tears streaming again and again.
"God, give me a miracle,
make her live,
because she's still young.
God, please give me a miracle.
God, where are you?
Can't you help me?"
I pumped and pumped,
and its heartbeat grew faster.
it started to breathe, too.
I mummured a prayer of thanks,
then put it down.
It tried to get up,
but fell again.
Tears couldn't stop coming.
I didn't like to cry.
I love being a cheerful girl that was always smiling,
but in the end,
I was still the crybaby.
I picked it up.
It stopped breathing.
I pumped harder and faster.
Still crying very hard.
And praying.
Then it started to breathe.
But soon,
Stopped.
I cried and cried and stopped to feel for a pulse,
but there was nothing.
I could hear my own heartbeat getting faster.
My sister said the harsh words:
"It is dead"
But I didn't stop pumping.
Then my mother spoke kindly,
that I had to let go of it.
I put in down and ran to the room
locked the door,
then slammed my head at my pillow,
And sobbed my heart out.
Crying, crying.
Praying.
"God, why did you have to do that?
I did take care of it properly.
I watched its diet.
I didn't mistreat it.
I loved it.
I was careful with it.
Why did you take all my 4 beloved pets away,
and gave me this life?
Without my friends,
without my pets.
With only my family.
What was it all?"
I didn't understand.
But,
I understood soon.
All thanks to the Bible.
God spoke to me indirectly.
and I was glad,
because their deaths were not wasted,
they were part of God's big plan for me,
and so,
I will be part of that big plan,
and do my job.
Thats just me.

To keep smiling forever~
And bring joy to others~
Be someone that helps everyone,
That's the goal of my life~
Thats it.